25 03 2013

I’m finding it a little interesting that my maternal grandmother is in the hospital with cancer and nobody from that side of my family has told me formally.  I’ve gotten all of my information off of facebook thus far through the status updates that my cousins have put up, but there has been no actual message from my mom or anybody else.  In a way, it makes sense and I guess it is fair.  I don’t actually know anybody from that side of my family after all.

My mom has sort of drifted in and out of my life in far less dramatic ways and with much less frequency than my dad has and we don’t talk all that often, and while many of my cousins and my two brothers have added me on facebook, I NEVER speak to any of them.  I don’t speak to most people, in fact, and it isn’t an effort on my part to avoid any of them.  I just don’t interact with them, and I generally have nothing to say.  As far as my grandmother goes, I’ve met the woman once in my memory – not too long after my 21st birthday.  My mom was living in town at the time and my grandmother came to visit her and my other cousin who lives nearby.  I spent a couple of hours visiting and listening to the two women talk and banter and that was it.  All she wrote, you could say.

Given how little I know about the woman, except the stories my mom told me about her general ill health (multiple heart attacks, multiple by-pass surgeries) I feel like it would be strange of me to ask after her, and even more strange for me to offer my condolences.  I’m her granddaughter after all.  Her youngest child’s oldest.  Shouldn’t I be sharing in their grief?  Shouldn’t I be wringing my hands with them, wondering if she’ll be released from the hospital soon?

Really, I should send my mom a message, just a short one, to ask how things are going.  It’s not like I have to comment on some stranger’s wall about a woman they’ve never seen me interact with in any way, though that is how I feel about it right at this moment.  I feel like the wall flower at the party.  I’ve been in the corner so long they’ve all forgotten I was there, and I don’t want to make ripples much less waves by reminding them of me.  Thankfully, in this internet age, that is not how things work. I can ask after her more privately, and not feel a spectacle. I can send my worries and my sorrows to my mom and not feel awkward, because I do know her and I love her and I’m sure this is hard on her.

I wonder how Mother’s Day will go over this year?




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