On Aging and Looking Back

5 01 2013

I guess I qualify now as being in my mid-twenties as opposed to my early twenties, but I don’t see much of a difference in my lifestyle.  At least not when I’m looking at myself in a vacuum (or next to my boyfriend who has a similar living arrangement), but when I see some of my friends and co-workers deal with their own issues and drama I get an eerie look at both sides of this coin. 

Very few of my co-workers are over twenty-one, and I’ve noticed a larger propensity towards inter-office dating and friend-making, neither of which ever seem to end well.  They meet each other for lunch on workdays and spend some weekends at one person’s house drinking and smoking the days and nights away.  They opt for the short shifts in order to go teach themselves code or catch up on sleep even while they beg for more hours.  They get mad at their co-worker friends for considering a transfer that would net more hours and possible advancement, something clearly in their friends favor, because they don’t want to miss them or see them less. And the confuse SENIORITY with AUTHORITY.

My mid-twenties friends are having kids too early, getting engaged, facing custody battles, and fighting tooth and nail against oppressions that I can’t feel or help them with.  They’re worried about paying their rent and their utilities and their food. Feeding their families and trying to keep their parents alive until their weddings at the very least.

They see a weekend of drunkenness as an escape from their shadows for just a little while. They crave company and attention because they are on their own for the first time, they seek solitude and quiet because their families are stifling in ways never felt before during their teenage years. They’re facing existential crisis because they’re now beginning to wonder what career will fulfill them the most, allow them to do the most with their lives, how to balance work and play and still provide a good future for themselves and the families they may one day have.

I have found myself bewildered in an environment filled with strange young people and strange, more worldly thoughts than I have ever experienced before.  I’m a fan of it overall, and I do what I can to look back with fondness for my early-twenties and to disregard the longing.  Most of the time it works well, easily, effortlessly you might say, and some times it crushes me.  What can you do, right?




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